portami-a-venezia:

1. Marie (or Maria, I can’t decide) Antionette Mercedes- wife of Louis the XIV (yes. this will be my daughters name. you will address her by both goddamn it.) (Mercedes is After Mercedes of Orleans who was a Queen of Spain and originally was a decedent of French royalty. )
2. Marie Thérèse (Juliana) -this was Marie Antionette’s Daughter. She was the Dauphine of France and was Queen for 20 minutes. (Juliana or Juliane was a Queen of Denmark)
3. (I could put Marie in front of this…but I’m not) Josephine (middle name: Catarina)- Empress of France, first wife of Napoleon. (Catarina was a Medici- also the wife of Henry II of France)
4. Zelda Adelaide (Francesca/Francisca/Franziska)- Zelda is the Princess in The Legend of Zelda. Adelaide comes from Adelaide of Paris who was married to a king of france, I’m not too knowledgable on her. And See Adelaide is also a city in Australia so I decided to put in The  (Francesca/Francisca/Franziska) which is the female version of Francis which means “frenchman” or “of France” or something. 
5. Alistair Kaiser Xavier - Alistair was the king in dragon age okay!…. (kaiser was a German title given to a ruler meaning Caesar I believe…and Xavier was one of Marie Therese’s brother’s , Louis,  names)
6. August Emanuel Octavius- August is derived from Augustus who was a roman Emporer and Octavius was his original name. Emmanuel is after Victor Emnanuel II who was the 1st king of Italy
   
   I want my Children’s names to have meaning.  

(Source: firelord-monique)

portami-a-venezia:

They’re so much different from us when they sleep. 
you look at them and they’re so…peaceful. So content.
However when you look at a teen or adult we’re so…exhausted. So angry. So harsh.

Children are just…such a beautiful thing when they sleep 

from my personal blog

(Source: firelord-monique)

luminousxx:

You fade away with the scent of chloroform 
and dream yourself into darkness. 
You are forced to separate yourself from the living.
You fall asleep in comfort 
and awake in darkness.
cold, wet darkness.  

You watch your mother’s lies
and brutal accusations.
you watch the woman that once cradled you
glare at the people who loved you the most.  
You feel her cold, pitiful stares
and burn inside when she smiles.

You watch them take out a bag
Disgusting and eerie. 
the one you were stuffed into.  

You watch them show off duct tape
Torn and ripped.
What was once on your hair
what was once covering your mouth
suppressing your breath.
Sealed with a Sticker
a
tiny
heart
Sticker.

you hear the stories.
you know the lies
you see their faces
You watch the jury
and you hear what they think
you try to sway what they think to the correct answer
but is too hard.

You in this moment, little Caylee, 
Are God… 
you know all
you see all
you hear all
But even God can’t give you justice that earth owes you.  

all you can do is helplessly watch…
Helplessly watch as a court tries to give you
justice.
A justice that they can’t justify.  

I didn’t know you
I never held you
I never looked into you innocent eyes.
all I know is that you were Robbed.  

you were blindly robbed by someone dear to you. 
you will never feel the suns kisses
or feel the rain on your eye lashes.
you never had a chance to go to school
you never had a chance to hate school
you never felt real hope
real Dispare
real happiness. 
 you will never find a partner to share your life and soul with 
You will never be what God Intended you to be,
because someone took that away from you

Little Caylee,
Silent Angle,
Sing to us your truths
sing them slow and soft
let the slim from the court cease
and let the jury hear your truth

Give them the verdict.
give them the verdict to justify your death
to justify the 80 plus years that were taken from you
to justify every human joy that was robbed from you
to justify every gasp of air you made that fateful day.  

…to justify the betrayal that you carried to heaven…

Sing me your sorrow filled songs
Sing me your tears
sing me your heart
sing me your truth.

but most of all
little Caylee,
Sing me
God’s warmth.  

___________________

Rest in Peace Caylee Marie Anthony
2005-2008
 

Hello Lovelies, 
This is the first time I’ve written you since….well I don’t know. 
I’m about to write a few letters to you explaining what I’ve learned over these past few months.
I guess I wanted to learn my lessons before I wrote you something foolish.  

anyway…
never let  partner bring you down.
I was with a guy for about six months.
i was the only one who didn’t notice but…I was depressed and angry at the world.
I lost all hope in humanity
and most of all I couldn’t talk to people anymore.
I was spiraling out of control,
and on top of that- I couldn’t figure out if he was gay or not.  

Turns out he was. 
he also cheated on me with about 5 people.
…I always knew deep in my heart that he was unfaithful.

He ended up getting off his medication and going crazy. 
he wound up in a psychiatric ward for like a week. 
I visited him one day.
I swear to God baby…I will never let you end up in one of those places.

but the thing about him is…
he used me while we were both in and NOT in a relationship.
there is a point where you just have to stop letting people do that to you
and if it means loosing them….or anyone….
So be it.
no one,
I repeat,
NO ONE
should be treated that way.

I love you,
Momma 

Hello loves,

I have not written to you all sophomore year.
and frankly.
i don’t want to ever write about it.
I’ve learned so much…How could I not?

Anyway.
this is to say i have not forgotten you.
lessons will be up soon

Love,
you mother. 

Loves, 

If someone threatens to commit suicide…Tell someone. 
just do it.
tell me
tell their mom.
tell.

It’s better for them to hate you than for them to be dead and you could of possibly prevented it.

I love you so,
Momma 

Loves,

your life shouldn’t be centered around love…It just makes you look crazy and desperate. 
enjoy life for its other joys…trust me love comes when love is meant to be there
Enjoy love when it comes to you, stop wasting your time trying to make it happen.  

love,
Momma  

Beautiful,

I’m going to try something new with my life, I swear to God everyone is going to think I’m dumb…
I’m tired of following the guidelines in my relationships-ex:
after this many days….you do this
don’t tell then you love them until after these many months
blah blah blah 

You should know how much I believe/want/trust in love. 
And you should know that I like to act on my feelings.
And that’s what I’m going to do.

Baby, I don’t think you need guidelines to know when you love someone.
You just feel it.
And If you feel it…Then why not embrace it?
Why hide it for months?
Just refer to my previous letter and say it when you mean it and never take it back.

I hate the people who are a few years older or even MY AGE telling me that I’m naive. I know just as much as they do…only difference is that I choose to act on how I feel, and if they don’t that’s fine. Why call me Naive/stupid though? And I know all of this sounds like stupid puppy love talk…but I wish I could let everyone into my mind and show them how I feel. 

If you love someone 
Then you love them
You’re not going to know what love it for a while
But after your hearts broken quite a bit…you’ll know what it is when you receive true unconditional love.
Am I saying that this feeling will stay and that when you feel it that it’ll last forever?
Nope…but it may…Why pass it by?  

You don’t know when the end is, I can’t stress that enough…
Wouldn’t it of been better to love and not hide behind restrictions? 

I love you so,
Momma 

my loves, 

Never regret. 

Love,
Mom 

but even more for the mothers who lost their children… 
I don’t think I could handle that  

loves,

Today is September 11th. 
This will be ancient history to you… however today, nine years ago, is the day that 4 planes were hijacked by terrorist. Two Destroyed the World Trade Center,  one crashed in the pentagon, and the other was retaken by the people and crash landed in Pennsylvania. 

3,000 people died. 

Mothers lost their children, children lost there mothers, husbands lost their wives, wives lost their husbands. Sisters, brothers, cousins, grandparents, they were all lost. Everyone who died was SOMEONE to someone else…and despicable men killed them. They killed them along with changing our country forever. We now live in a “what evil thing could happen today?” state. 

So every September 11th you can be damn sure that I will make you remember the people who died in this tragedy, along with the heros who sacrificed themselves or risked their lives….everyone seems to of forgotten….

This horrible terrorist attack was what made congress declare war on Afaginistan. 900,000 have been killed. Usually what I say when I hear people whining about how many troops we lost is “God bless their souls…but this is war and that number of deaths is nothing compared to WW2” and I still think that way, Because I’m a believer that war is necessary, because freedom is NEVER going to be free, ever. But it makes my heart ache when I saw the pictures of the two men who graduated from my high school and died in Afghanistan. and in that moment I just wanted to scream it was so painful to look at. I didn’t even know them…they graduated years before… but looking at them brought tears to my eyes. And when my teacher told me about how David’s (I believe) Mother got up on a stage at our school’s memorial for him and received his purple heart….I Just died inside. And It almost made me angry that people in their twenties are going to war and risking their lives every day for me and others…it just doesn’t seem right. If I ever have to get up on stage like that soldier’s mom did and receive your purple heart for you…. I would be so unbelievable proud to be your mother…But I never want to receive that honor for you, ever. As I said before, the freedom you hopefully still have will never be free and you need to fight for it. 

War is ugly, and terrible…but it has a purpose. Those people are insane…NO not all of them. but the ones who attacked our country are and they NEED to be stopped.  

I love this country more than anything. No matter how much I say I hate the government or how much I would like to live in another country, the United states is my home. And I’m damn proud to be an american. I hope you will be too…And I hope you have the same freedoms, and I hope you remember today and the importance of it…

God bless, the victims, families, and heros of 9/11

Love,
Mom 

God bless

David P. Burridge &
Joseph C. Thibodeaux 
 

Beautiful, 

when you’re a teenager it’s boys boys boys (couldn’t you tell by all those other letters ? ;).  and you’re going to be heartbroken 1,000,000 times. but if you’re anything like me then you’ll be up on your feet looking for your next victim a week later. 

Problem is when you can’t get over someone who broke your heart… I never expreienced that problem until HIM. It wasn’t really my choice to break up with him…our realtionship had…complications as I have stated in previous letters and I was kind of a baby about it. If I’ve ever believed in love more it’s with him. 

Just one look and I get butterflies. 
and he knows me well…
not exaggerating. 
I hate the fact that I don’t know how he feels
and it’s a good possibility that we’ll never be together (I can pretty much garentee that) 

I keep trying to tell myself “you’re only 15…you’ll have tons of new boyfriends.” but as of right now all I see is him. 

but you know what, that’s okay. why?

BECAUSE I’M 15. 

Just remember how old you are. remember you are young enough to take your time and old enough to know (somewhat) what you’re talking about.

Love,
Mom